jenniferthorne's posterous

Apr 24

Spiritual Truths found in the Physical World

I love that God placed us in a physical world. All around me I see spiritual applications in the physical world that gives me hope and helps me to stay grounded in reality.

The bible uses "light" and "darkness" to manifest the spiritual reality of living with God in Christ and with out Him. It uses "water" to talk about the Holy Spirit. I can also see others that are not actually identified in the bible but have spiritual application all the same. There is gravity, and eating food, and many others. Let me take just a moment to expand on what I am talking about.

Light. Jesus claims to be the Light of the World. Have you ever just watched the light? I have. If you have a closet say, in the hallway of your home. Your sitting adjacent to that closet in the room. Your brother comes by to grab his jacket out of the closet and opens the door. When he opens the door the light from the room you are in floods into the closet space and the darkness that was there is pushed out. Notice that the light invades the darkness. The darkness never invades the lighted space. This is a physical truth that demonstrates a Spiritual Truth. Jesus came as the light of the world. At the time that He came the darkness ruled. Jesus gave Himself as the perfect lamb of sacrifice to over come that darkness and death that was ruling. No longer does darkness rule but Jesus, the Light, has overcome the darkness. He has invaded the space that the darkness used to rule. Where ever Jesus is allowed to enter the light takes over and the darkness must be pushed back. It cannot do anything but to be pushed out and overtaken by the Light.

Continuing on that thought just a bit. The door also represents our free will. When we shut out Jesus out of our life by our choices, He will not come in and over come that darkness with His marvelous light. Only when we willingly turn to Him and ask Him to come in will He enter and overcome the darkness in our lives with His light. Just like that closet door had to be opened before the light could do what it is made to do, invade the darkness.

Water. In the bible the Holy Spirit is likened to Living Water. I find it quite ironic that our bodies are made of something like 93% water. If we give up food we can live for days and weeks but give up water and in 3 to 4 days time we will die. What a marvelous physical demonstration of our need for the Holy Spirit in our lives. With out physical water my body will physically die and my soul and spirit are connected to my body so I die completely. Without the Holy Spirit in my life I cannot live. I am a slave to my flesh and Satan. Only in my life with Jesus do I receive the Living Water that gives to me abundant life, here and now, and also eternal life. The bible says in Revelation that the river of living water of life, clear as crystal, comes from the throne of God and of the Lamb.

Eating. When I think of how I need to eat food it reminds me of how I need to be in continual communion with Jesus through the spiritual disciplines of reading the bible, praying, fasting, etc. I do not function well when I miss a meal or let my life get so crazy that I am not only not eating continually but the proper things as well. All this helps me to remember that there is a spiritual truth there, helping me to remain aware of it. Just like when I skip meals and eat the wrong things I must also continually be in the bible and in prayer to keep my relationship with my Heavenly Father strong. Particularly in prayer. I just cannot go long and do well in my life without being in His presence through prayer. Talking with Him listening to Him. Like food I can go for a time without talking to Jesus and my life will not get derailed but going to long and pretty soon I'm losing strength, purpose, focus, etc. So, like I fuel my body well, I also need to fuel my Spirit well. That involves being in the presence of the One who made me.

Gravity. I love the law of gravity. To me it speaks so loudly of the reality of Truth and it's absoluteness. When my sisters and I were growing up, my older sister had a friend who wanted to fly. One time while partying, he decided to demonstrate his belief that he could fly. He went to the top of a second story building and attempted to fly. He lost his life on that day. Gravity can be over come for a time but you cannot ignore the physical truth that gravity is there and effects your life. Look what it takes to over come gravity for a time. It takes a concerted effort with lots of extra energy to make a plane fly. It can fly for a time but comes back to the earth to refuel and maintenance the plane. You cannot over come gravity for long. Even birds and gliders can use the natural winds and currents to fly for a time but there time in the air is also continually eroded by the law of gravity. They can start out high but slowly come back to earth. Even a space rocket has it limitations. By great power a rocket can actually get out of our atmosphere and move into space. While a rocket can over come gravity it cannot remain out there forever, it must reenter to maintain life. If a rocket carries livings things those things need unlimited supplies of food, water, shelter, etc. The rocket will not be able to carry those things so for life to continue it must come back into the place where gravity exists. It the same way, to live without Truth for a time can be done but to do it for long periods of time cost you your very life. I can know that absolute Truth exists and impacts my life because the law of gravity speaks loudly to that reality.

These are where my thoughts have been today. I love the Lord and am not able to express enough my gratitude for His pursuit of me and my life. To Jesus be the glory on the earth and forever. Amen.

Mar 4

Video Poem about being in Christ

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=343319128016

Feb 26

Like a Child

This morning my daughter got up, just like she always does. The older children were already off to school. We were alone in the house. Daddy is out of town for the next day and a half. She quietly walks right to where she knows she will find me, at my computer in my office.

I can hear her walking toward me with the slight sound that her bare feet make on the floor. I keep my attention focussed on my screen so she can genly and quietly approach me. When she gets to me, she will lightly touch my arm and look towards my face. When I turn I do so with great surprise and smiling expression that I am so thankful that she has awoke and come to me. She climbs up into my lap, curls her legs up as well, then rests her head against my chest as I curl my arms around her.

Maylah does this every morning without fail. I know she will come and I await that opportunity to turn and great her with great joy. I just love when our eyes meet and she moves to get up into my lap.

This morning, God whispered to me, this is my desire for you Jennifer. You have not been seeking Me out lately like your daughter seeks you out. How I long for you to return fully to Me. This was not a rebuke but a gentle reminder that Jesus longs for me to come to Him first in the morning, before everything and anything else. I have been coming to him, physically first, but my mind has really been focussed on other things.

Father help me to seek you first in every day, with my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Thank you for your gentle reminder of how you long for and anticipate my arrival every morning.

Your loving daughter, Jennifer.

Dec 12

The Fullness of the Gentiles - What?

For I do not want you, brethren, to be uninformed of this mystery--so that you will not be wise in your own estimation--that a partial hardening has happened to Israel until the fullness of the Gentiles has come in (Rom 11:25) I have often wondered about this verse. Just what does it mean when it says, "until the fullness of the Gentiles has come in?" If you step back and take a look at the full chapter 11 in Roman's you will see that the Apostle Paul is making an argument for how God has allow Israels partial hardening so that the gentiles will be grafted into His Mercy and Grace and also that Israels partial hardening will end under a certain set of circumstances, "when the fullness of the gentiles comes in. While I'm sure that part of what it means for the "fullness of the gentiles to come in" is in regards to those who are not of Jewish decent and have made decisions to trust, follow, and obey Jesus as Lord and Savior. But I cannot help but to think that it also has to do with some other things. As I look at the world around me and with the help of the internet, planes, TV, radio, etc we have become a united world. Not that we all march to the same drummer but that we are all connected, whether we like it or not. I was just reading from Lifesitenews.com about the Copenhagen Conference meeting to discuss the issue of Climate Change/Global Warming. One of the main areas of discussions coming out of that meeting is on World de-population. Here is a quote from today's e-letter: "That conference, and its now open emphasis on world de-population as a supposed solution to the supposed global warming crisis, is a likely prelude to even more abortion, infanticide, forced sterilizations, explicit sex-ed, promotion of homosexuality and other forms of sterile, childless sex, and on and on" The world population in many of the major countries is already on the brink of disaster. Most of Europe and Russian is at a point where they cannot even sustain their current populations and withing the next 10 - 15 years or so will begin a dramatic decline in their total populations. China has it's own set of problems with so many men and no women for them to marry due to their one child policies. Japan's populations is already moving into it's demographic winter with an ever aging population. Even here in the good ole US of A we are just barely replacing our current population and we are getting much help from those immigrants who come here, regardless of whether they do it legally or not. I wonder if there isn't a physical connection to that determination of "when the fullness of the gentiles comes in." Could it be possible that it also includes the reality that people will so reject God's first command given to Adam. "God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Gen 1:28" That we will continue to see de population such that the world population will actually begin to decrease and thus, the fullness of the gentiles will have come in. This will of course create more world problems than we have ever experienced to date. If you think that the troubles that we have experienced in this last credit financial crisis have been bad. A decreasing world population will be absolutely devastating. It will unravel the world as we know it. Let me know what you think. I would love to here some feedback.

Oct 2

Light & Darkness

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I've been thinking for a while about the reality of Light and its relationship to dark or darkness. I’ve been watching how the Light and darkness interact in the world around me. It is amazing to me how the Light always invades the darkness but the darkness never invades the Light. In fact as the darkness intensifies it only enhances the Light and makes it more easily seen.

I had my children do an experiment the other night. We often have a time together in the evenings just before their bedtime where they do tricks for me and get silly. We have a time of prayer together and then off to bed. This particular night I asked them to step into my closet and shut the door and turn off the light in the closet. Once they did that I asked them what happened when they turned off the light. They all said, “its dark in here mom.” Then I asked them to slide the door open and watch what happens in the closet. I actually have two sets of doors so Connor opened his side and said, “Mom the light comes in.” Of course when Maylah and Jethro opened the other side they also commented, “the light comes in.” Then I had them come out and join me on the bed and we talked a bit about how the light always goes into the darkness and the darkness is always pushed out.

I’ve continued to think about this reality in the relationship between Light and darkness. What is it that keeps the Light out. It the case of my experience with my children it was the closet doors. The Light had to have a physical barrier that blocked it from moving forward. Light cannot help but to move forward. It never runs out or diminishes, it just keeps lighting up where ever it is not blocked from going in. Even when it is blocked out it still eeks in around the sides and you can see the illumination around the door itself.

At the same time I just started Bible Study Fellowship for the year. This year we are studying the gospel of John. In the Gospel of John Jesus and Light are tied together.

John 1:4 In Him (Jesus) was life and that life was the Light of men.

John 1:5 The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

John 1:9 There was the true Light which coming into the world, enlightens every man.

John 3:19-21 This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.

John 5:35 He was the lamp that was burning and was shining and you were willing to rejoice for a while in his Light.

John 8:12 Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

John 9:5 While I am in the world, I am the Light of the world.”

John 11:9-10 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the Light of this world.” But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.”

John 12:35-36 So Jesus said to them, “For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not over take you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light.” These things Jesus spoke and He went away and hid Himself from them.

John 12:46 I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not remain in darkness.

As I continue to ponder this relationship between Light and dark and Jesus being the Light of the world; I cannot help but to think of another scripture over in Romans. In Romans 1:20 it says, “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.”

It is evident to me even more so now than before, that the Creation does really at all times reflect His glory and His presence. Only when we withdraw from His presence does the darkness get a hold of us.

I hope that all the rest of my days that I will always move into the Light and have Jesus illumine those areas of my heart that are still in darkness. I hope that as these days get even darker that my Light will shine even brighter that others would be drawn to Him.

For now, I will keep pondering the Light and dark relationship hoping for more in-site into this world around me and my own life in Him.

Aug 27

Times of Transition by James W. Goll

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I was sent this article by a friend.  I found it to be very appropriate considering the times as well as an encouragement.James W. Goll:"Praying Through Times of Transition"

As the senior leader of Encounters Network and its associated ministries, I recently called for a special time of Praying through Transition. As we adopt this into our Prayer Storm efforts, I trust the Holy Spirit will reveal to you specific strategies for Spirit-led and Spirit-empowered prayers. Adapt this theme and make it practical for your own life, ministry and nation.

Worldwide Convulsions

The entire world is in the midst of one of the greatest times of change and transition I have ever witnessed in my lifetime. This is both for good and evil. Having prayer-walked over the Reconciliation Bridge from Heil, Germany to Strasbourg, France recently, I marveled at the atmosphere of genuine friendship and change. It was breathtaking for me, having sowed specifically into Germany for so many years. Not long ago, such a friendship between the citizens of France and Germany was only a pipe dream—but now, in part—it is a reality.

But consider on the other hand the worldwide threats to "wipe Israel off the face of the earth to be remembered no more." (See Praying for Israel's Destiny for details prophesied from Psalm 83.) War also rages in the mountains of Afghanistan, Pakistan and beyond. Many nations of Africa are in great turmoil, torn between one tribal group and another.. There are wars and rumors of war...

With the worldwide recession under way, many people in the U.S. and other nations are losing their jobs; new leaders in power in Israel, the U.S., England and beyond, it does seem that everything around us is teetering! From my angle, we are in the midst of a worldwide convulsion. But we must drop the anchor of hope in such a time. We must be a light which shines brightly in the midst of darkness.

The Process of Transition

Transition means crossing over to a new place from one condition to another. Transition times are times when the Lord redefines and adjusts the rules necessary for us to move forward. He gives us focus and direction. He teaches us about Himself in a new way. We must admit that we have not been where we are headed. We have not crossed this way before!

In a literary sense, a transition is the phrase that connects the past communication or paragraph with the future thought. This is so important to understand as we move forward. We must seek the Lord for His revelation during times of transition. When He communicates to us, we can bridge the past season with the new. This causes a great treasure to arise.. Without the communication being distinct during transitions, we lose the strength and wisdom of our past victories.

There is a process which takes place in a time of change. Part of that transition includes:

• A fresh level of revelation is released.

• Your present vision is adjusted.

• New vision is released and established.

• A mantle of restoration is placed upon you.

• You are healed and made whole from the past.

• A new identity is developed within you.

• New strategy is revealed to you.

• You see the fullness of your inheritance before you.

• You have the strength to overthrow your enemies.

• You secure your inheritance.

Keys for Times of Transition

Charles Stock reminded us at a recent Encounters Network Alliance Leaders Summit, that we can "shine" the brightest when it is the darkest. He emphasized four basic keys to help us grow through our seasons of transition:

1. God knows what He is doing!

2. Our scars can be changed into trophies of His grace.

3. Every battle we survive is a graduation to new realms of authority.

4. Grace works through time—and time is on our side!

In my family and ministry's time of great personal loss and tragedy, there are a few basic things I will never let go of. Yes, God is good all the time, and all things work together for good. Period! Sometimes my lack of understanding screams at me, but in those very moments I must yield my right to understand and push the button called "Trust!"

James W. Goll

Encounters Network • PrayerStorm • Compassion Acts

Email: info@encountersnetwork.com

Aug 24

Noodle-ing & Physics?

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I was taking my dog for a walk today and I began thinking about several things that I have thought about before. I call this noodle-ing. It is time that I spend thinking about, contemplating, reflecting upon, analyzing, etc some particular thing. Today I was once again noodle-ing about the physical property of light and it relationship to dark.

I do so love the physical universe. There are so many Spiritual realities that we can get from the physical world. For example, I love the Law of Gravity. It is a physical absolute that gives credence to the idea that there are also spiritual absolutes. No matter how hare you try, no matter what you believe, no matter how sincere you are in believing that you can fly, if you step off a building you will fall to the ground and be severely hurt. That may seem kind of obvious but I think you get the idea.

Tonight I was thinking about light and dark. I had heard a radio pastor talk about a thing he noticed about light and dark as his son opened the hall closet. This pastor was standing in a place where he could see easily into the closet as soon as it was cracked open. The hallway light was on. What he saw and came to realize is that when his son opened the door the darkness in the closet did not come out invading the light but that the light went into the closet and pushed out the darkness. Darkness is nothing in and of itself but the reality that there is an absence of light. Any miniscule amount of light can over come even the darkest of places and the darkness can do nothing to prevent it.

I have been noodle-ing this idea of light being the tangible quality and darkness being an absence of that tangible quality or reality. I was also thinking of this in light of what the scriptures have to say regarding Moses and his interactions with Pharaoh. In some places it says that Pharaoh hardened his heart and in other places it says that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart. This has caused me to also wonder, “Why would God do such a thing? If God hardened Pharaohs’ heart isn’t it then God’s responsibility for Pharaoh’s actions? Is the Word correct in what it wrote down because it doesn’t make sense to me that a loving God would cause someone to sin? Etc, etc. etc.

As I was considering all this I began to wonder if this same truth about light and dark is also true about God and his interactions with people. Is it possible that God’s hardening Pharaoh’s heart came about not by anything that God did to Pharaoh but by God removing and withdrawing from Pharaoh, leaving Pharaoh to his own self and thinking. Even as I’m typing this I am now thinking also about what it says in Romans chapter 1. Three times it says that, “God gave them over….to there own thinking (my paraphrase).” Does God give us over to our own devices and thereby default we end up in darkness?

Thanks for listening to a bit of my own noodle-ing. Hope it has caused you to think. I appreciate any comments to help me expand my own thinking. Of course I will continue to invite God into my thinking to keep me honest and humble.

Blessing to you.

Aug 10

Hope In The Future

I have been asking God to show me just how do I bring into today and put to use in today the reality that God speaks of in 1 Peter about HOPE.

The hope that is being spoken of is tied to several things, first it is a Living Hope (1 Peter 1:3), it is provides an inheritance that is imperishable and undefiled (1 Peter 1:4), it provides an inheritance that does not fade away and is reserved for me in heaven (1 Peter 1:4), it's a hope that is protected by the power of God thru faith (1Peter 1:5), it's a hope that provides a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time (1Peter1:5), it's a hope that gives me reason to rejoice greatly even while suffering for a little while by necessity (1 Peter 1:6), this hope is tied to my faith and this faith is more precious than gold (1 Peter 1:7), this hope is tied to my faith that is tested by fire and will result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:7), it is a hope tied to my faith that will obtain as the outcome the salvation of my soul (1 Peter 1:9), and this Hope tied to my Faith are in God who also happened to raise Jesus from the dear and gave Jesus glory (1 Peter 1:21).

Again, how do I gain something for today knowing that this Hope and Faith that I have will not actually be gained until Christ comes again (or I go to Him). Being the very practical and pragmatic person that I am, I just could not get my mind around this. It was to far away for me to gain any tangible benefit from. Yes, yes, yes, I know in my head all that Truth but how does that help me today. So I have prayed for understanding and wisdom.

Yesterday our Sr. Pastor was away at convention so our Pastor of our seniors preached. He has lived a long and full life serving the Lord and was honored to be in the pulpit. He said that it is just so refreshing to be in the book of 1 Peter again. yep, 1 Peter. He shared about the first 10 verses or so. I will not go into the whole thing but just the part that God used to answer my prayer. Pastor Harry made reference to the word used in verse 4 regarding our inheritance being reserved for us in heaven. He commented about loving to have a reservation for dinner, or a hotel, or even a car rental reservation. We just show up, tell them our name, and whatever it was that was reserved for us is now ours.

Well that got me to thinking. How do I feel when I have a trip coming up where all the reservations are already made. The trip is planned, paid for, committed to, all I have to do is wait for that day to come to drive to the airport and I begin to receive all that has been reserved for me. Well, after I had made the decision to go to the Exodus Conference and had made all the reservations I began to get excited every day about the day when I would leave and begin to experience all that the reservations had in store for me. So, while I was still engaged in my life, washing laundry, cleaning, ministering, going to church, spending time with my family, etc I had this excitement building in the back ground of my mind, knowing that the day to leave was getting every closer. This was continually there, not distracting me from my priorities but still there, reminding me of good things to come.

This is just what I needed to learn how to bring that reality of what is being talked about in 1 Peter into today. The reality is I'm not going to experience it today but I can get excited about the truth that the day to leave is getting ever nearer. Now to be honest, I do not believe that Christ is coming in the next week or two, or that my life will be ending either. This does create a bit of a delema because it is still a bit far off. So I'm going to ask Jesus to give me that excitement because it is beyond my human ability to appropriate by myself. I will let you know how Jesus answers this new prayer.

Perhaps you can join me in this and you too will be blessed.

Jul 30

Reflections - Exodus Conference July09 - Gods Sneaky or Divine Appointments

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This is a fun little story of how I ended up going to the Exodus Conference this past July. I wasn't planning on going, in fact I wasn't even considering it. I was aware of the conference coming up but saw no need to go. I had been chatting with some of the Exodus staff on some other unrelated things. Somehow word of my going into the high schools got to Scott Davies. He contacted me and asked me if I would be willing to be a small group leader for the Xscape program. That was definitely something I was very interested in. It speaks to my hearts desire to minister into the lives of those that are desirous of coming out of the life style. I chatted with my husband about it, he was good with it, so I booked my ticket and made my reservations.

As time was approaching I was getting emails from Julie Carter. She was coordinating all the the volunteers for the conference. Thus I didn't think anything of it. About five days prior to leaving for the conference I felt that I needed to connect with Julie to make sure that all the things that she was having me signed up to do would not interfere with my main purpose for going. So, I emailed her.

About a day later I got an email from Scott. He had written me an email that I never received asking me if I minded not being used as a small group leader and being a volunteer instead. Since he thought I was good with this he gave my name to Julie and all she knew was that I was a willing volunteer.

Had I found this out sooner I would have not gone to the conference and would have cancelled my tickets and reservations. I could have gotten a full refund. Since I did find out just a few days prior to leaving I was all committed to going and could not see cancelling. So I went.

One hurdle that I had to overcome was that fact that I was arriving so late. The conference started at 7pm on Tuesday and I didn't even get into O’Hare until 9 pm. Then I had to find my way to some kind of transportation to make my way to Wheaten College. Upon arriving I did manage to get a taxi who had already been to the campus a few other times that day. We had a nice chat while driving and in short order found the college.

We pulled up to one area but it didn't look quite right so I had the driver go back a block and up the previous street. As soon as we turned around we began to see Exodus signs. We followed the signs and at the next corner I told the drive that he could stop and let me out. Rather than stopping he turned the corner and again I said to please stop and let me out. Again he continued on and pulled forward another 100 feet or so and finally let me out. I paid him and thanked him and turned around to get my bearings.

Well I wasn't sure where to go so I immediately went to the side walk and saw a few people walking so I walked up to a woman and asked. She was headed in the same direction as the check in table and was glad to show me the way. So I casually asked her how she came to find herself at the conference. That began a new friendship that continued the fullness of the week. My new friend had come alone and had been struggling alone for many years. She is married and only recently shared her struggle with her husband. Her husband was supportive and she came with great hope and expectation but also with many reservations. She had asked the Lord to help her and He did.

I find it amazing that my taxi driver had to drive forward two more times before letting me out of the taxi. If he had not, then I would have been behind my new friend and would not have walked to her for directions, I would have gone to another. God is so good. Meeting my new friend was apart of many divine appointments that I had during the course of that week. God is so faithful and loving. I was so blessed to be a part of that conference experience.

Jul 29

Reflections - Exodus Conference July09 - God has/is Compensating Me

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I had the privilege of attending two workshops given by Sy Rogers. He also did one of the general sessions. I had heard of him for years but had never been exposed to his teachings. They were amazing and he is truly a blessing to the body of Christ and a glory to Jesus. In the workshop sessions Sy was talking about the 9 factors he has discovered that cause sexual relational problems to develop. He also has another teaching of the 9 principles of redeeming our sexuality.

As I sat through all his sessions I was amazed at how he was describing all the things that God has taken me through in my journey with Jesus. I could not have produced this teaching but I have personally experienced each thing Sy identified both in the area of the development of my sexual relational struggles and how God has redeemed my sexuality.

One of the 9 principles that Sy talks about is forgiveness. This was not new to me but what was new was the idea that our need for justice demands that we receive compensation. Thus when we choose to forgive someone, we are saying in reality, "I will not require you to pay your debt to me." When we do forgive we go to Jesus and leave the Justice up to Him. He will bring us the proper compensation as we forgive those who should really owe us compensation. In God sweet way He will bring about His compensation for the losses that we have received.

As I have reflected upon this it has brought to mind this personal example in my own life with Him. I grew up a wild child, at least that is what it felt like. Not that I was a wild child but that my parents, trying their best, left us alone much of the time. They did the best they could and to their credit I knew that I was loved and belonged to my family. There were many things missing in my growing up life and one of those areas was related to school and being involved in activities through school supported, encouraged, and guided by my parents.

As I have grown older, found much healing in Jesus, and now have my own family, I'm finding that God is redeeming those lost years in a profound way. I have five children and Karl and I go to every function at school for all of my children. We happen to be on the school campus a lot. Actually I don't think that there is ever a function at school that does not involve us because we have so many, at least it feels that way. One of the first things that the Lord gave me, as compensation, was a special first year of Transitional Kindergarten with my oldest son, Quinton. That first year of school I was allowed to join the classroom every Friday. My 2nd son Julian was allowed to come with me, which made this possible. He was mature enough to sit in the class room and not be disruptive. Thus for a full year, I got to be involved in Quinton's class room, go on all the field trips, get to know all of his classmates, watch both sons grow in this environment, and I also got to know many of the parents on a first name basis. I had so much fun that year. I thought that this was how school was supposed to be. The next year I found out that it is not. I had another child which changed the dynamics of my family. In fact, I have never had another year like my first one. This was such a blessing to me. this gave me such encouragement and hope for my own family.

Along those same lines there are many school assemblies and school programs that are put on for the parents by the children. As I have attended those assemblies, I would always cry as God has ministered to me. Even though I go to those assemblies for my children, God has used them to bring me compensation for the losses that I experienced in my own life. When we moved to MT and my children began attending Valley Christian School God seemed to move me more profoundly. With each assembly and each year I would just sit there and weep, weep, weep. You would think that I would remember the tissues, but I never did. There I would be again, eyes tearing, nose running, hands wiping, me sniffling. It was a messy scene. My husband would often times notice, look at me with a gentle smile, perhaps run my arm or shoulder. What a comfort God was being to me and for me, all while I was doing what I believed to be best for my own children. There did come a day when the weeping subsided. It took many years but most of the time now I can go to a school function and enjoy the moment with my children knowing that I no longer feel those losses. I'm sure there will be more things in the future. God has given me a daughter and we love being the "girls." I believe that God will continue redeeming my losses and compensating me through Maylah Rose as she grows in her life. There was so much I did not experience growing up as I rejected my own femininity. This is not a problem for Maylah. She is all girl and rough and tumble. She loves being a girl, thinks it is uniquely special, that the boys are missing out because they are not girls, and we have our own little girls club. She does love her brothers while fully embracing the reality that God has made her a girl and will soon grow her into a woman. Many things to look forward to.